This Terrible Day

I did not know Chris Murphy, but if someone dead twenty-three years can be conjured by the kindness and loveliness of the people he left behind—and what they remember of him—he was a wonderful man.

He was killed along with 66 other employees of his firm at the WTC on 9/11. He left a wife and two daughters, aged 2, and 4 months. I wandered into their lives six years later, and they accepted me into their family. This day, and his death, changed my life.

All of my girls—women—will be sad today. Very sad. I wish they were together, as they draw strength from each other. But they are spread across the hemisphere. I am with Catherine, and we will be quiet today, together and separately.

She is the strongest human being I have ever encountered. I have seen video of her days after her husband’s murder, when she spoke to friends and family gathered at his memorial service. Her grace was transcendent, and she—even as she was coming apart inside—offered comfort to them.

Because I am metaphysically certain of a loving God and eternal salvation, I suppose I will meet Chris Murphy someday. I will tell him that I have been an imperfect replacement, and he will already have known that. I hope he will forgive me.